On Nolan North and celebrity justification of transphobia

[Editor’s note: this was originally a series of tweets I made, so please forgive any typographical errors that may come up]

Hello to my wonderful, amazing, beautiful cis gender friends. There is something I need to let you all know. *puts baseball hat on backwards*

Transphobia is a bad, horrible, terrible, no good, very bad thing that dehumanizes us at best, and beats and kills us at worst. To you, this may just be bad words on Twitter or a tasteless halloween costume, but the sad reality is far more grim for us in the trenches. Now, some dumbfuck teenager with 10 twitter followers using the T-word can probably be left alone; they may grow up, but if you’re a well-known celebrity with an audience that goes well into the tens of thousands, you have a responsibility to not be an ass. Making a shitty joke, no matter how minor, justifies the behavior and thought patterns of literally thousands of people who want me dead. This is even worse for non-white trans people (also non-white cis people, obviously, but I’m focusing on trans issues here).

So when our reactions to people like this is “hey go fuck yourself you dumb son of a bitch.” Please understand this anger is all we have (if someone’s posting their address or making death threats, that’s clearly out of line and should not be tolerated, of course).

This is going on a little long, so let me leave you with this: always always always always listen to an affected group. We’re usually right. And as far at the Nolan North’s of the world go? If he’s not an asshole, he’ll learn from this. But apparently this isn’t his first rodeo; Notice how Bernie Sanders didn’t double down & turn into a klan member? It sucks but sometimes your feelings have to get hurt before you grow.

*turns hat back around* I love you guys. Now why don’t you go on outside and toss the ol’ pigskin around?

Dream Journal: August 25, 2015

Lady Sword (J)-002

I’m in what appears to be a school dormitory. I assume that it’s a dormitory; I never actually went to college. The building is painted entirely in black. Black floors. Black walls. Black ceilings. Black doors. Tinted windows. There are a lot of students (?) running around, speaking to each way too loudly, and carrying on in a way that really gets on my nerves. I hate it here.

But I’m here for one very good reason, which I’m very excited for: my friend Dina is going to teach me how to draw! I’m really happy to not only learn a new skill, but to meet someone I’ve only ever spoken to online in person. This is going to be really cool! I don’t care how annoying everyone else is, or how shitty the building itself looks. Despite the repetitive scenery, I find her room quickly enough.

We finally meet. We hug, we do a brief hello and a “how are things?” She then tells me that she hates to leave me so soon, but she needs to go to a meeting for a little while, but I’m welcome to hang around and wait for her here. I do.

Looking around, her room is a mess. Clothes are all over the place. The bed is unmade. There’s open boxes everywhere. Lots of poorly kept stacks of vinyl records. Not that I’m complaining; my room isn’t much better. I spend some time sitting on her bed, listening to her music and doing my best to ignore a small, pulsating blue light in the corner. I’ve never heard of any of these bands, but I love them, and make a mental note to look them all up online later.

From where I’m sitting, I can see outside the window. There’s not much to see, the moon is shining way too bright. I can still make out the slight silhouette of two figures messing around with an obsolete TV antennae. One of them sees me, points, then goes right back to work. I would normally be afraid of something like this, but I find myself oddly relaxed. I feel safe here. I turn up the volume on the record player.

It feels like hours have gone by. Before my worry brings me to action, Dina is back. She’s different, though. Her clothes are different. Before, she was wearing a white tanktop and blue jeans, with her hair dangling wherever. Now, she’s wearing a leather jacket with spiked sleeves, tight black leather pants, and her hair is tied up in a ponytail. She’s not smiling anymore, either. She looks pissed off, actually.

“Alright, motherfucker, you want to learn art so fuckin’ bad!? You have to earn that shit! That’s a right that I only I can give you! And I don’t feel like fucking doing it, unless you start addressing me by the right name!”

I’m shocked. My mouth can’t quite get words out properly, stuttering and stammering out the bare minimum of a sentence.

“Dina. Your name is Dina. What’s your deal? What’s going on?”

She shakes her head. I hear nothing, but I know that she’s telling me that I’m wrong. If I want to learn to become an artist, I need to know what her “other” title is. She won’t tell me. Hell, she won’t even look at me. Now I’m afraid. The living embodiment of my social anxiety is standing in front me: a good friend angry and antagonistic at me for absolutely no reason at all.

I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to sweat really bad, and it feels like the room is spinning. That light in the corner has gotten closer, and is staring at me now. I wonder what it wants?

The Submarine

There is something in the world of video games that has bothered me for many years now. It’s something that has this massive jump in logic that we have never been given an answer for.

In Final Fantasy VII, when Cloud and Friends get the submarine from the Shinra Underwater Reactor so that they can get the huge materia, there’s a segment where they have to fight other Shinra submarines. It’s this nice, if a little dull, mini-game where you swim around and shoot missiles.

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And what bothers me about this scene is that you can’t also shoot those missiles at Emerald Weapon! You wouldn’t have to worry about getting certain materia or dealing with a time limit, just shoot it!

Some Positivity

I realize that my posts lately have either been “I’m angry about this” or “I jerked off to this” so I’m going to make a post that’s a bit more lighthearted.

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I got back into Saints Row 3 and attempted to make Elvira. And by “make” I mean changing up my current character into an Elvira cosplay. The game doesn’t have her hairstyle available, so a perfect recreation is impossible.

With this new look, and a bunch of end game upgrades, I spent a few hours stealing helicopters and slapping police officers with the giant dildo bat.

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Saints Row 3 fucking owns. Kind of a shame nobody I know owns an XBox 360, because I would love to get into co-op hijinks online.

“Gatekeepers” are over. “Gatekeepers” don’t need to be your obstacle.

I’ve been thinking lately about a couple of recent pieces I’ve put out. I mention things like Gatekeepers, and how we, as the unappreciated, need to desperately crash through them.

But, the reality is: actually, no we don’t.

As I’m getting ready to move to a new URL, I’m carefully combing through online archives and old hard drives, making sure I take everything with me. And it hit me: this website has been around for roughly eight years. There have also been previous URLs I owned that existed for a few years, themselves. I’ve been an online personality, with varying degrees of popularity, for a decade now. And at no point in time did I ever need the approval of gatekeepers, flag-bearers, or whatever the fuck you want to call the abusive assholes I’ve been dealing with lately. At no point in time have I ever had to ask someone’s permission to do my own thing.

My goal, from the moment I realized that I had some slight writing talent, and knowing how to put it all online, was never to be famous. My goal was to simply put my work out there, and hope people enjoy it. And they have! All these years, I have been putting my work out there, and people have enjoyed it. Now, while I’ve never been a “household name” so to speak, I’ve certainly done alright for myself.

I never needed to be on a pretentious, self-absorbed blog (besides this one). I never needed to be on some podcast, sitting next to transmisogynists and sycophants doubling down on defending their abusive friends. I never had to lower myself to being “one of the good ones” for a few extra Patreon dollars.

I don’t need, or want, any labels. I’m not “Indie.” I’m not “Alt.” I only have “#PunkGames Dev” in my Twitter bio to make an antagonistic point. I’m me, and you should be you. We should not, nor should we have ever, found ourselves beholden to masters in a place with no leadership.

So no, no we really don’t need to crash some asshole’s gate. The thing about being in a sub-culture that prides itself on “independence” is that we have to, in fact, be independent. Now, I understand that this may not be a philosophy for everyone. But you should at least consider it.

Within the next month or so, I’ll be moving everything here over to a new URL. It’s been a good eight years, but this site’s name is getting to be really cringeworthy, and I need something new.

So by this time in September, this blog will move over to lonelyfrontier.net (assuming some asshole doesn’t buy it out from under me in the meantime). I’ll do another post reminding everyone of the move (and I’ll also post it on Twitter and Tumblr, as well).

New Purchase

This is a short, stupid post to announce that I actually purchased pornography for the first time in nine years today. Specifically, hers. I’m always going on about the rights of sex workers and stuff, I might as well tangibly support them, you know?

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And I thought that maybe I would regret my purchase. I didn’t! The videos I bought were good! They owned! Why I was being cheap and downloading low-quality crap off a torrent site, I don’t know. Just know that I more than learned my lesson (after I was done jerking off, obviously), and that I need to support these fine folks with more than just wordy platitudes.

One Year

We’ve finally hit the one year mark of Gamergate. It never ended. It only got worse. And I’m sick of it.

Sick of seeing my friend’s life being turned into a sideshow attraction for slack-jawed yokels to gawk at.

Sick of seeing abusers being rewarded for the pain they’ve caused.

Sick of seeing their Patreon funds in the tens of thousands.

Sick of seeing the Patreons of worthwhile people barely reaching the hundreds.

Sick of seeing that screencap of Donald Trump’s squinty melon head retweeting one of Gamergate’s most notable stalkers.

Sick of seeing people with the power to make change turn a blind eye and leave us to clean up the mess they helped cause.

Sick of seeing indie game concern trolls with an obvious, nonsensical grudge against Zoe fan the flames of harassment using social justice rhetoric.

Sick of seeing yet another innocent person dragged into the quagmire “for the lulz.”

Sick of seeing yet another right-wing opportunist get their second wind working these woman-hating marks.

Sick of seeing more and more people give up their dreams out of fear.

Sick of seeing the media and their bullshit Golden Mean giving equal airtime to neo-nazis and pedophiles.

Sick of seeing my friends in pain, and not being able to do a damn thing about it.

Sick of seeing the same falsehoods published as fact one year in.

Sick of seeing assholes, both in favor of and against Gamergate, shamelessly profiting off this entire thing.

Sick of seeing Zoe referred to as “The Gamergate Girl” or “The Gamergate Victim,” as though she has never made any other notable accomplishments in her life.

Sick of seeing people threaten suicide because things became too much to handle.

Sick of seeing another day knowing that two people actually went through with it.

Sick of seeing supporters slowly but surely turn their backs on all of us because they’re tired of hearing about Gamergate all the time.

Sick of seeing another “Ethics” image meme.

Sick of seeing Vivian James.

Sick of seeing Eron Gjoni as a free man.

Sick of seeing that nothing has changed.

Sick of it all.

Summer Music Compilation 2k15

It’s that time again for me to post some cheery, upbeat music for the summer. This time around, I went with Shibuya-kei. Take a listen.

New Game

As I previously mentioned, I’m not done with games. I picked up RPG Maker VX in a Humble Bundle a week or so back, and I realized that I should probably get my twelve dollars worth.

Things are still pretty early in the design process; I don’t even have a title for it yet! But I can tell you the basic plot and a few mechanical elements in place.

It is an RPG about two children playing pretend in the woods behind their house. The adventure that they have is a product of their imagination, so there are no real monsters or magic or anything like that. I’ve even gone ahead and removed a game over state, since it’s not like these kids are going to be killed by a monster that isn’t even there (check the gallery for that).

The current plan is to make it a really short (roughly an hour) game with a few “dungeons” to explore, along with boss battles and a couple of (also imaginary) NPCs.

Anyways, that’s all I have for now. Look forward to it at some point in the near future (God Willing).